You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
