I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm really busy with my period
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