nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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