Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize