Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
