At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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