I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
