He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
