he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
