Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We had to coat check the pizza.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize