he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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