those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
