Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
