Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
