omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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