whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
