The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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