if i died would you start the facebook group?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
