Don't make out with my wife yet
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
