That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
