Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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