And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
