I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
