well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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