I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
