I got chris browned last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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