No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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