well most of my day revolves around power hour
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
