we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
