Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
