Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
