Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
