I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
please come you make the beer taste better
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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