If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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