Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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