So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
