when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
