Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize