I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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