I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
