im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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