I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
