Whod you bang
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
