honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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