she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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