found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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