Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize