I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
