Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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