ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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