dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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