i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize