Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
