ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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