You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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