3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
