4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
