i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
