There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
