I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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