i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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