would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
