Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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