woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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