hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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