if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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