i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
