Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
