i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
