Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
